“Happy Valentine, ma!” Mr. Alex, their security man called out as Olanna waited in front of the office complex for her Uber.
Olanna smiled a close-lipped smile, determined not to engage. She knew what would happen next if she opened the door to a conversation with Mr Alex.
He would launch into a tirade about his family life, about his wife who is probably pregnant with their thirty-fifth child, about how his first two children hadn’t been in school for over two weeks because he couldn’t afford to pay their fees, about how the roof of their home was leaking. It was always one problem or the other with Mr. Alex, and Olanna wasn’t in the mood to play therapist to anyone let alone the gateman at her workplace. Their conversations often ended with Olanna folding two or three 1000 naira notes into his hand because she was such an empath and couldn’t bear to hear stories like that without attempting to help. Her mother often complained that she was too soft and let people walk over her. Olanna failed to remind her that she was one of the people who benefitted from her alleged softness especially since she often got herself in trouble and needed some money from Olanna to bail her out. Her mother was either accepting to attend her friend’s daughter’s wedding and getting roped into buying Asoebi that cost more than her miserly teacher salary, or since she discovered online shopping, she was accidentally adding things to her cart and buying them then needing Olanna to send her the refund because she had spent all her money on unnecessary items.
Usually, Olanna was happy to help. She wasn’t rich per se, but she was comfortable. After all, she was a single woman with a modest means of income and healthy financial habits, she could afford to lend a helping hand here and there.
However, she wasn’t in a helping mood today. It was Valentine’s Day and of course, she had no plans. Even though she liked to pretend she was too old to care about Valentine – she was going to be thirty-two in two months, deep down, she wished she had something to look forward to than a quiet night in her small apartment.
She had been invited to some sort of self-love Valentine’s event by her friend, where they were going to pay a twenty-five thousand naira entry fee. For what? Just so you didn’t spend the day alone?
She was old enough to spot nonsense from far away, it was all a marketing scheme targeted at single people.
So, yes, she had declined and opted to spend the day alone. Maybe by this time next year, she would have a man to spend the day with. She was ready to leave the single life behind, especially now that her mother had decided to start matchmaking her with any young man she knew.
She glanced at her phone, an impatient frown creeping onto her face. Where was this Uber driver? Why couldn’t they just be honest? The app had said he was six minutes away but she had been standing for almost ten minutes and still no show.
The driver’s name was Taiwo.
She had known a Taiwo, once.
“Madam, happy Valentine o,” Mr. Alex’s voice was closer now.
Olanna grimaced. “Thank you, Mr. Alex.”
“You dey wait for your oga?” he asked, coming to stand beside her, a shorter man to her five-eight. His breath smelled sour like he had eaten and forgotten to rinse his mouth with water.
Olanna rolled her eyes. “Yes.”
“Ah, enjoyment good o, my madam for like celebrate Valentine but I bin tell am say dem never pay me yet.”
“Hmmm.”
“And things are hard,” he continued.
For God’s sake, where was this driver?
Just then, a white Toyota Camry pulled up slowly to the front of the complex, its tires crunching the gravel. Olanna glanced at the plate number to be sure it matched the one on the app. It did and she heaved a sigh of relief.
“See you tomorrow, Mr. Alex,” she said, clutching her handbag and giving a little wave. She pretended not to notice the crestfallen look on his face as she slid into the back seat.
“You’re late,” she said as soon as she was settled behind, arranging her skirt over her lap. “The app said six minutes away.”
The driver was silent as he pulled out of the parking lot into the main road. The car’s interior was neat and stripped bare of personality except for the faint scent of pineapple air freshener.
“Hey oga, I’m talking to you. What happened? Do you want your five stars or not?” she asked.
“There was traffic…Olanna.”
A hot flash crawled through her body at the sound of his voice. That voice. She would never forget it.
“Taiwo,” she breathed. “It is you.”
They locked eyes in the rearview mirror and Olanna felt like she was being hijacked back in time.
“Aren’t you happy to see me? It’s been…three years.”
“I…”
“Three years since you stopped responding to my calls, and texts. Three years since you disappeared from my life.”
Olanna felt bile rise to her throat.
__________________________________________________________________________________
She was twenty-seven when they met at a gala thrown by a charity organization that her company supported. She had gone as a representative, a young staff member looking to climb up the corporate ladder by attending events that nobody else wanted. There were young CEOs present, and tech men with their startups hoping to get visibility as they networked.
Taiwo was one of them – tall and charismatic, with a charming personality. He introduced himself as an entrepreneur, he was building an app that was his baby and he was desperate for some funding to get it up and running.
“So, what’s your app about?” she asked as they got talking, drinks in hand.
“It’s something I’ve been working on since university,” he said.
“Yeah, but what is it about?”
“It’s not a book that has to be about something,” he said. “We hope to solve a problem.”
“So, what problem is it going to solve?”
“Stick around and you’ll find out,” he winked.
___________________________________________________________________________________
She had stuck around. She had stuck around too long, in fact.
“How have you been, Ola?” Taiwo asked now, as he switched lanes.
From behind, Olanna stared at his neatly manicured nails on the steering wheel. The way he took care of his fingernails was something she had found attractive about him back then.
“Good,” she said, cautiously. She didn’t intend to get dragged back into time with him. It had taken her three years to piece her life back together.
“Aren’t you going to ask how I’ve been?” he asked.
“I don’t think I want to know, Taiwo,” she said.
“Oh come on. It’s been three years. And need I remind you, you ghosted me. You have no right to feel awkward. If anything, I should be angry with you.”
“Angry with me?”
“Yes. For the way you left. You didn’t have the guts to end things properly.”
“I think you’re misremembering things, Taiwo.”
“Oh? Enlighten me.”
_____________________________________________________________________________________
They had been dating for six months when the cracks began to show. It started small, or so it seemed. First, it was the mood swings. One moment, he was happy, excited about some progress he had made with his app; those were the fun times. He took her out, splurged on her, and plastered her with kisses and compliments, his energy almost infectious.
And then, after the high, there almost always came the lows.
Two days of radio silence from the man she loved. Messages left on read. Calls ignored. When he finally returned, it wasn’t really him; it was a hollowed-out version. His voice was quieter, his usually boisterous movements sluggish, as if the very act of existing drained him. His eyes were distant and unfocused.
His esteem was low. He spoke in half-mumbled sentences, second-guessing himself, doubting the same achievements he had been celebrating just days ago.
“The app is pointless,” he muttered once, staring at his laptop. “Nobody’s going to use it. I should just quit.”
She wanted to remind him of how brilliant he was, how just a few days ago he had been so sure of his success, but she had learned by now that logic didn’t always reach him in these moments. The weight of his exhaustion was palpable, pressing down on both of them. Sometimes, she found him sitting in the dark, unmoving, like the air around him was too thick to push through.
She found that his moods affected hers, that being around him meant feeling like she was carrying a weight she hadn’t asked for. Yet, she’d loved him. She loved his mind, his passion for his baby, his lofty dreams and his desire to change the world.
She noticed though, that his words never matched his actions. He wanted to travel the world, yes, but he refused to get his international passport. He wanted to get married someday, but he refused to introduce her to his family.
And when they fought, oh, it was the ghetto. He broke things, then cursed her and cursed himself for cursing her, and so their fights always ended with her comforting him for thinking she was too good for him.
“I don’t deserve you,” he would cry. “Don’t leave me. I’ll die. I’ll die, I swear.”
Those words had made her feel greatly wanted but there was also a niggling feeling in the back of her mind, something that told her this wasn’t right.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Even as she recounted this to him in the car, Olanna could remember how chaotic that time of her life had been. She stopped introducing him to her friends because she wasn’t sure which side of him she would get. Little things triggered him – she had once watched him yell at a waiter because he had accidentally stepped on his shoe. She had flinched in embarrassment, wishing for a magic broom to whisk her out of there.
For two years they had pushed through living their yoyo life; Olanna had told herself that perhaps this was her cross to bear, that there was no easy love. Love was hard work, wasn’t that what they said? Besides she was turning thirty soon, and she wanted to be married. The longer she stayed with Taiwo, the more likely it was that he would eventually make the move to get married.
So, Olanna learned how to manage his mood swings, how to disappear when he did, how to drop to her knees to apologize whenever they fought and he swore to kill himself because he couldn’t bear it if she left him. She learned how to steer him clear of situations that could be a trigger – sometimes she missed it, and things escalated. She also learned to live in the moment, to bask in his attention and love when he splurged on her.
And well, all was well…until.
Until the night Taiwo disappeared.
It seemed usual at first; one of his disappearing acts which she found actually gave her some breathing space. Except this time, he hadn’t returned three days later. His mobile phone was switched off, and no one had heard from him. Olanna was beginning to panic until he turned up five days later.
As usual, there was no remorse, just an unusual buzz of energy. His movements were twitchy and excited.
“Where have you been?” she asked, forcing a calm into her voice even though she wanted to scream at him for causing her heartache.
“I’ve been busy, babe. Busy getting things done. I just needed time. I’ve figured it out.”
And despite her anger, she was curious; “figured what out?”
“The app. The money. Everything. I’ve fixed it.”
She felt her pulse race. Perhaps the end was in sight after all. Perhaps this was the break they needed. Perhaps with this, they could finally move on, finally settle down.
He took out a rectangular piece of paper and handed it to her.
Olanna’s eyes widened, her stomach lurched. It was a cheque of ten million naira.
“What…where…who…?” she stuttered.
“It’s for the app. Can you believe it?”
“Taiwo,” her voice was quiet. Something wasn’t right. “Where did you get this from?”
“A guy I met. Connections, babe. Do you think the big boys wait around for investors? You take a risk, you make things happen.”
“Jesus Christ, Taiwo. What did you use as collateral?”
His eyes shifted away from hers. It was then she noticed his energy – the jumpiness in his gait, his inability to keep still, the dilation of his pupils.
“Something small,” he said. “Listen, shouldn’t you be happy for me? Why are you questioning me? We are going to be rich. I did it!”
Olanna was quiet. She knew what could come next. The last time she’d questioned an irrational decision of his, he had picked up the glass flower vase and hurled it at the wall. She had cleaned up the shattered glass and thrown the dead flowers away. She knew the cycle. She had lived it for two years.
“You’re supposed to support me,” he said. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”
His eyes darkened as he looked at her and for the first time, Olanna realized that this wasn’t just another outburst. This wasn’t just another mood swing she could tiptoe around.
This was dangerous.
She saw their future clearly; not the engagement she had been waiting for, not the stability she had convinced herself would come. No, she saw herself drowning, endlessly trying to fix, to manage, to keep up with a man whose chaos could one day consume them both.
And so, that night, Olanna made her choice.
The next day when he was away, she packed a bag, blocked his number, and left.
_______________________________________________________________________________
“What happened to the app?” she asked now when what she really wanted to know was how he had ended up driving an Uber three years after he got the money he needed to launch his app.
“I lost it,” he said.
“How?” she could take a wild guess.
“I did something stupid. I used it as collateral.”
And even though they hadn’t been together in three years, Olanna felt her heart break for him. The app had been his baby, he’d had such great hopes for it and she’d believed in it too.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Me too,” he pulled the car to a stop. “We’re here.”
Olanna looked out the window at the familiar row of houses on her street, at the hibiscus flowers that lined the walls of the fence.
“Do you want to come in for a drink?” she asked.
“Are you sure?”
She thought about the silence that was waiting for her in her apartment – a quiet evening of scrolling social media and looking at other couples celebrating Valentine’s.
“Yes, I’m sure,” she said.
